Great Grandfather's Suicide
I have been sick all weekend. Last night I didn't sleep a wink, but was caught in the undertow between waking and sleeping. Those are the times when you could get caught in any train of thought and get lost in the idea. I got caught in the undertow of my Great Grandfather Joseph Hyrum Stay. I still can feel his influence coming from the grave, and I have almost fallen into the same pitfalls as him. Last Night I dreamed his suicide. Drunk, and Angry, It's cold outside and the wind starts to chill on the face. My Wife will not let me in. My Wife thinks i am a failure. I am a failure. How am I supposed to help raise these kids if I keep drinking away my feelings? I can stop, I will stop. I will not stop drinking, I know that. I am better off dead to these children, they will not miss me. My wife will remarry someone put together and responsible. BUT I AM THEIR FATHER!!! No! I need to be in there with them! "Let Me IN! LET ME IN!" I can picture their Head...