Great Grandfather's Suicide
I have been sick all weekend.
Last night I didn't sleep a wink, but was caught in the undertow between waking and sleeping.
Those are the times when you could get caught in any train of thought and get lost in the idea.
I got caught in the undertow of my Great Grandfather Joseph Hyrum Stay. I still can feel his influence coming from the grave, and I have almost fallen into the same pitfalls as him.
Last Night I dreamed his suicide.
Drunk, and Angry, It's cold outside and the wind starts to chill on the face.
My Wife will not let me in.
My Wife thinks i am a failure.
I am a failure.
How am I supposed to help raise these kids if I keep drinking away my feelings?
I can stop,
I will stop.
I will not stop drinking, I know that. I am better off dead to these children, they will not miss me.
My wife will remarry someone put together and responsible.
BUT I AM THEIR FATHER!!! No! I need to be in there with them! "Let Me IN! LET ME IN!"
I can picture their Heads all cuddled together Weeping.
In fact I can hear them through the door crying. "I know you are in there! Let me in! I can hear you!" "You are drunk," My Wife tells me. "I will not let you in." "The children needs their father, and you, Wife, need your husband!"
"Nobody needs a DRUNK." In this moment I realize that she is right.
I slump down on the floor and start to cry.
The wind blows across my hair, and I start to sweat, detoxing from the alcohol. This makes me even more chilled.
I plead silently. "Please let me in." But no one answers.
I wipe away my tears, so new ones can replace them, and walk out to the barn to fetch some rope. "This will be better for everyone" I think to myself. "She is right, Nobody needs a DRUNK." I tie the rope to the old apple tree and formed a noose.
My Tears fall through the noose, into the hole where my head will be.
I Threw it around a branch of the apple tree and fetched my work stool.
As I climbed up the stool and placed the noose around my neck, I took one last look around the yard. tears stream down my cheeks and I say out loud.
"It sure is cold tonight." Then kick the chair from my feet, and the last thing I can remember is feeling my neck snap and feeling regret.
Last night I didn't sleep a wink, but was caught in the undertow between waking and sleeping.
Those are the times when you could get caught in any train of thought and get lost in the idea.
I got caught in the undertow of my Great Grandfather Joseph Hyrum Stay. I still can feel his influence coming from the grave, and I have almost fallen into the same pitfalls as him.
Last Night I dreamed his suicide.
Drunk, and Angry, It's cold outside and the wind starts to chill on the face.
My Wife will not let me in.
My Wife thinks i am a failure.
I am a failure.
How am I supposed to help raise these kids if I keep drinking away my feelings?
I can stop,
I will stop.
I will not stop drinking, I know that. I am better off dead to these children, they will not miss me.
My wife will remarry someone put together and responsible.
BUT I AM THEIR FATHER!!! No! I need to be in there with them! "Let Me IN! LET ME IN!"
I can picture their Heads all cuddled together Weeping.
In fact I can hear them through the door crying. "I know you are in there! Let me in! I can hear you!" "You are drunk," My Wife tells me. "I will not let you in." "The children needs their father, and you, Wife, need your husband!"
"Nobody needs a DRUNK." In this moment I realize that she is right.
I slump down on the floor and start to cry.
The wind blows across my hair, and I start to sweat, detoxing from the alcohol. This makes me even more chilled.
I plead silently. "Please let me in." But no one answers.
I wipe away my tears, so new ones can replace them, and walk out to the barn to fetch some rope. "This will be better for everyone" I think to myself. "She is right, Nobody needs a DRUNK." I tie the rope to the old apple tree and formed a noose.
My Tears fall through the noose, into the hole where my head will be.
I Threw it around a branch of the apple tree and fetched my work stool.
As I climbed up the stool and placed the noose around my neck, I took one last look around the yard. tears stream down my cheeks and I say out loud.
"It sure is cold tonight." Then kick the chair from my feet, and the last thing I can remember is feeling my neck snap and feeling regret.
Wow! You seriously did dream this?! I don't know how I just managed to come across this today. I'm lying here in bed today, my dearest nephew, with the migraine from hell. A score of +15 early this morning, and my neck actually feeling like it was being held in a vice. (My entire head really.)
ReplyDeleteI took my Migraine medicine, and it's now at a +7. These are rated on a scale of 1-10! LOL! I had my first Botox treatment back in March 25. That has actually cut down the frequency and intensity. (YAY!). The Dr. Told me I might not feel the full difference until after the second treatment. But I've actually NOTICED a difference! Anyway, I want you to know, I Love you, and you are so amazing, and talented. You have a knack for writing. And that post was incredible! (You really did Dream that?!) �� I do believe it! We must talk. I need to tell you of some experiences I've had.