Something New....Someday

There is a hole in my brain That allows the spirits to seep through. I can walk through the houses that held the bodies in life, and know the spirits of the damned. I listen to their weeping, as I lay on the couch. I Hear them Cry as I wash the dishes. I walk the streets that held their houses, and watch them gasp for breath from non-existant lungs.

This static rings in through my ears. The cry of voices drenched in tears. We made it through the darkest nights. let's thank the stars that we are alive. It took so long for us To feel like we're alright. Embracing souls when both our hearts collide. Surviving through the damage our hearts cab heal this hemorrhage. We can heal wounds that still Bleed, with time. stabbed in the back too many times Victims of these lovers crimes These ghosts come to haunt instead A vacant sheet beside the bed. It took so long for us to find ourselves inside. this love within in me can heal this heart of mine Surviving through the damage our hearts cab heal this hemorrhage. We can heal wounds that still Bleed, with time.

The mountainside becomes both cradle and coffin in which I am delivered into the dirt. I fall asleep in the fields of braided grass to the songs of the grasshopper. The singing of strings sung from bowed legs and cello wings Causing romance to flourish as the sun settles to sleep. (Now the moon takes lead in the dance.) I am estranged from the concrete skin, of converged rubber and oil blood, of sugar cane and corn consciousness. Only bliss sleeps here, with butterfly lips. Placing pollen kisses on petals of jasmine and honeysuckle, (nectar stains appear upon the protrusion of sweet words) I can feel my wings unfurl as I step out further from the cityscape. This dripping black nightmare has washed away as I fly into the arms of the mother. These wings are not those of fowl friends, but the stained glass of locust limbs. I stretch these forth towards the sun, and the light shines through. The mountains are calling my name in synesthetic color and smell ...

I am free, Free of the weight my father placed upon me, Free of the debit the bank heaped upon me, I am floating in the still air of freedom. I feel my wings pull out of this monetary and emotional prison i placed myself in. Like a glue uncongeled by picking away peice by peice with a chisel, Like a molten tar broken away with a hammer, I am resurecting from this shape that used to look so disfigued, So mangled. I step out of this old and ugly form, And step into my true role Of self love and freedom. I am free! From the roots of my mind My feet will spring wings And unhinge myself from the gravitational pull That was my self loathing. My true power is coming forth Like a beam of light from my mouth I no longer fear to speak the truth. I claim my power and spread my wings, I am free.

Last Weekend I went on a camping trip with my father. Me and my Father have had a hard time seeing eye to eye, and this has caused a lot of issues in our relationship over the years. I grew up the only boy in a family of 4 children. All my Life I saw the strength and care of the women around me, from my mother who was our main provider, to the leadership of my older sister who paved the way for novelty, and my younger sister who showed me that caring and love was the most important thing in life, and my youngest sister who taught me to embrace creativity and art. In seeing these strong women in my life, I have always valued my femininity, and as I entered my teens, I abandoned a lot of the masculine traits that were so valued by my father. Gender roles were never my friend, and I showed that I could be an amazing person without liking sports or following other masculine norms. My father, I feel always wanted a son that he could relate with, Go on camping trips, go to sports games, an...

The Earth is my religion, and the trees are my prophets and the leaves rustling in the wind are the pages of spoken scripture.

I am dry yet he is wet. I moan in rhythm but I fell in abyss. Common for the forest one, common in the new morning. Common for the lesser man. Common in the storming.

I Was deep in meditation the night before last. In my vision I was taken back into my childhood feeling of religious guilt. I kept seeing my path I was living, and I saw that according to my childhood belief system, I was on the devils road. Normally I don't think this way, and I fell very happy and comfortable with how i usually run my life. I feel that I am a good person, who gets to choose his own way and likes to explore a variety of options in spirituality and god. But because i was lost in my childhood belief system, I was feeling guided down the devils path. I realized that this system that i held so true in my past was actually forcing me to choose a deity and forcing me to worship something, but out of fear, not out love or any sort of spiritual devotion. I thought that I had worked out these issues. I thought that I was over my religious guilt. Apparently, I was not. I kept having to fight with myself. I kept having to tell myself that I was not ready to choose a de...

My Shadow is creeping, Peaking its head around the corners of the apartment i live.

I have been sick all weekend. Last night I didn't sleep a wink, but was caught in the undertow between waking and sleeping. Those are the times when you could get caught in any train of thought and get lost in the idea. I got caught in the undertow of my Great Grandfather Joseph Hyrum Stay. I still can feel his influence coming from the grave, and I have almost fallen into the same pitfalls as him. Last Night I dreamed his suicide. Drunk, and Angry, It's cold outside and the wind starts to chill on the face. My Wife will not let me in. My Wife thinks i am a failure. I am a failure. How am I supposed to help raise these kids if I keep drinking away my feelings? I can stop, I will stop. I will not stop drinking, I know that. I am better off dead to these children, they will not miss me. My wife will remarry someone put together and responsible. BUT I AM THEIR FATHER!!! No! I need to be in there with them! "Let Me IN! LET ME IN!" I can picture their Head...